The Wiggles - The Best of the Wiggles 2016
Somewhere out there is an underground scene of moms and dads who routinely listen to the Wiggles. Unlike the goths who wear black or the hyperpop fans who wear the opposite gender’s underwear, moms and dads recognise each other by the tired, baggy eyes, flip-flops, combed-over hair and an assortment of coloured polos. One could almost feel sorry for them if they weren’t secretly delightful by the plain, yet immaculate waves of the Wiggles in their downtime.
On Deko.fm, we hate diversity when unnecessary. Somehow, The Wiggles have always nailed it, though. The original purple Wiggle was Asian, and the yellow one gay. The diversity goes even further in the 2010 lineup, though with purpose and delight. Anthony, the blue Wiggle and only remainder of the original, still doesn’t do shit, and instead relies on the other three most talented Wiggles. The other three are incredible, though. Lachie is your basic white guy, but his wife is banging. Despite looking like an AI generated adult male derived from a child actor, he slays, and his upper register is my favourite of the four Wiggles. Listen to him in The Wonders of Wiggle Town – flawless. The female yellow Wiggle, Emma, has a pleasant female vox that admirably balances out the male counterparts. Lastly, Simon is opera trained. This may sound weird, though it leads to some incredible moments. There’s a moment in Do The Skeleton Scat!, for instance, where he uses his lower-register to sound like a trombone. Very impressive. As for the rest of the cast, no one gives a flying fuck about Captain Feathersword, the dog who only woofs, the closeted Octopus and the horny dinosaur.
The album is filled with bangers. Toot Toot, Chugga Chugga, Big Red Car is a goddam masterpiece. The instrumentation is flush, ranging from swinging blues to Jim Steinman-esque saxophones and quadraphonics. The chorus is catchy, and each verse compositionally varied. Rock and Roll Preschool is vibin,’ and pretty humorous, especially with its anti-peanut message/section. Michael Finnegan may be extremely short, though the patter song is brimming with personality, and ends with a memorable American ho-down. Even better is the previously mentioned Scatty Do The Skeleton Scat!; especially Lachie’s “Bab-a-doopity-doo’s.” The excellent three song combo ends with When I Hear The Music of the Orchestra, another brilliant utilisation of the Wiggles’ strengths. Lastly, if you’re making your own playlist of Wiggle wonders, don’t forget Dressing Up, perhaps the smoothest of all.
While not as god-tier, other laudable moments include the rad Do the propellor and wonderful Bear Now Asleep. Scattered throughout are genius moments on otherwise benign songs. For example, The Wiggle-Wiggle-Wiggle-Wiggle-Woo-s at the end of Ready! Steady, Wiggle! are delightful, as well as the vocal interplays and instrumental fills on I’ve Got My Glasses On! Disappointingly, most of the bangers are just updated (though notably better) versions of the originals. Fruit Salad was the reason this generation didn’t turn out completely retarded. One cannot have a Wiggles compilation without Hot Potato. It beats anything legitimate on Triple J. Speaking of Triple J, the top “alternative” national radio station in Down Under. They ranked a Wiggle cover of Lame Impala’s Elephant. They honestly deserved it, purely because everything else on that radio is trash.
As for the rest of this Wiggles compilation, the majority of it is filler. Some songs don’t translate as excitingly from TV to audio format, such as Whose In The Wiggle House, Say the Dance and Emma’s Yellow Bow, though they have some neat moments. Can You Point And Do The Twist is so dull. No, I won’t do this shitty dance, nor will I play Simon Says with you. You forget to say Simon Says on every fourth line, it’s predictable as fuck. Songs such as Follow the Leader and Wags the Dog and He Likes to Tango have been omitted from my library. Most annoying is Henry Likes Water , a song semitically created to teach kids water safety. We’re from the ocean (apparently), who gives a fuck. It’s as bad as their song about taking the vaccine, which thankfully isn’t here. Very cringe indeed, though nothing is as cringe as one line on the last song, Dance with Emma:
“Dancing bring us so much joy, like a vegie stir fry with soy”
Despite this line, I still highly recommend The Best of Wiggles, though purely as a reminder of how much a little diversity can either enhance something, or completely tarnish it. Sadly, the Wiggles have now expanded to more than 4 core members: more of them black, gay and female, but most importantly, uninspired and original. Even their covers of classics are incredibly dull, and an insult to the legacy the Wiggles tried to build. Sure, they were mostly likely dwindling kids on the side, but at least they were really good at keeping them entertained on stage. I can’t wait till I have kids and can listen to the Wiggles group with 16 members, all representing the major LGBTQIA+ communities.
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The Wiggles - The Best of the Wiggles 2016
